Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
