I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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