i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
