I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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