He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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