i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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