Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
