So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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