glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
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I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
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There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
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