We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Randomize
