plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He better not be in your backpack
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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