bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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