i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
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I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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