I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
