no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Houston, we have a blender
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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