U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Oh god it's open bar.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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