If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
