I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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