she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Randomize
