Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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