Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
