this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
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