I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
