My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?