Texts From Last Night

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  (217): View more from Illinois

  i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up

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  (217): i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up http://tfl.nu/r4jy
  Replies (6) Good night (2493) Bad night (697)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.

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  (541): Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in. http://tfl.nu/jhqc
  Replies (7) Good night (3873) Bad night (733)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.

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  (405): You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party. http://tfl.nu/3ntk
  Replies (16) Good night (3528) Bad night (828)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.

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  (570): no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from. http://tfl.nu/zs5p
  Replies (8) Good night (699) Bad night (2170)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.

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  (678): ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend. http://tfl.nu/yswq
  Replies (2) Good night (1913) Bad night (1225)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.

  (805): View more from California

  What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.

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  (818): I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated. (805): What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes. http://tfl.nu/bk6e
  Replies (6) Good night (2890) Bad night (785)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.

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  (518): She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands. http://tfl.nu/nkts
  Replies (5) Good night (1874) Bad night (528)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.

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  (541): Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues. http://tfl.nu/gw56
  Replies (9) Good night (743) Bad night (1959)
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.

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  (319): Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party. http://tfl.nu/bbcz
  Replies (11) Good night (1404) Bad night (512)
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  Every concussion has its silver lining

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  (909): Every concussion has its silver lining http://tfl.nu/a47p
  Replies (8) Good night (873) Bad night (625)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.

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  (313): its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom. http://tfl.nu/3nbn
  Replies (10) Good night (868) Bad night (1212)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.

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  (925): It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day. http://tfl.nu/ynaj
  Replies (5) Good night (1178) Bad night (490)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.

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  (206): Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates. http://tfl.nu/0lrq
  Replies (5) Good night (846) Bad night (434)
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  (585): View more from New York

  I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower

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  (585): I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower http://tfl.nu/ravu
  Replies (0) Good night (587) Bad night (219)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.

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  (773): i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive. http://tfl.nu/jzd0
  Replies (1) Good night (179) Bad night (441)

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