Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Randomize
