you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
