my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
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i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
She's the barista slut.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
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Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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