Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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