all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
