Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
