Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
