can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
