I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
