can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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