Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
