So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
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Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
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I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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