Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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