she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
