I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Randomize
