I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I would fuck him just for his dog
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
