We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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