Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Randomize
