I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
you had me at cake vodka
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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