you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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