Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
