I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!