I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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