you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
i think my cat just said my name.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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