well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
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