You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
