i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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