there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
