worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
