Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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