At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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