i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
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After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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