Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
