Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
