So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
