What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
