The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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