i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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