I can text with my tongue
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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